The other evening I attended Industry Night for A Bright New Boise at the Firehouse Theatre Project. I am as industrious as the next brilliant actress, so I prepared accordingly with two contrasting monologues set in Idaho, the Boise State Broncos fight song in E Minor, and an acrobatic, lyrical movement piece celebrating the 104th largest city in the United States. (I cut the piece down to a manageable 10 minutes by excising my salute to the 103 cities that triumphed over Boise).
The showcase procedures were somewhat odd. Although the emcee repeatedly asked for the next performer by chanting, "Now! Now! Now!", it appeared that all participants needed to wear an ugly red vest. I was, quite understandably, tortured. First, the red vest would cover my Potato Bowl costume, which was handmade out of french fries and chiffon. Second, the vest would have been terribly unflattering to a figure honed through years of bulimia. Finally, I did not receive the memo of such requirements and was, therefore, unable to prepare ahead of time. I am certain that, with proper notice, I could have constructed an appropriate costume incorporating a red vest, but to do so on the fly was more than even I could handle, especially as the french fries were somewhat detrimental to clear thinking.
While I argued with myself as to the proper course of conduct, I watched the other performers with interest, and this is what I have to report. (1) Profanity is back. (2) The Apocalypse is a good topic for monologues. (3) The tech crew was asleep. I'm sorry to point it out, but I must. While actors were trying gamely to present their pieces, there was A VIDEO PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND. And not just any video, but a horrifying, disgusting video about CRAFTERS. Revolting. I saw styrofoam, glue guns, tummy tucks, even fondant. At one point, I believe somebody was trying to make a human eyeball out of construction paper and fabric paint. I am sorry to have to discuss crafting before my 5pm hot French class, but I simply must call them as I see them. How anyone can hope to create art in such a situation, I do not know.
In the end, I felt it necessary to preserve my high standards and chose not to present my piece in a vest. Although the audience did not get to see my performance, we were all entranced by the talk of the Apocalypse. It is a scary thought to some, I imagine, but I don't lost much sleep over it, which is a good thing, because if I get any less than twelve hours, I can't even audition for teenage roles. In any event, the fact is, we are living in the Apocalyptic times already. Honestly, if actors being forced to emote in red vests is not a sign of the end times, then it is possible I am not destined for greatness. You see my point? I realize now that The Four Horseman will not be well dressed. In such a case, I sincerely hope that I am not Left Behind. What ho!!
What ho! Sweet baby girl, I am so proud of you! Red vests are indeed atrocious! Perhaps if they had gone with strained beets purple, it would have been much easier on the eyes, not to mention complimentary to pale skin tones for which Idahoans are known. Bravo!
ReplyDeleteOh! I almost forgot...your mother has found a new flavor you MUST try: "Mitten's Chameleon Curd" With every bite you get a different flavor. Quite interesting, yet leaves one a bit unsure of what they just consumed.
Toodles!