Monique at the Sycamore Rouge

Last week, I attended a "bar performance" of Picasso at the Lapin Agile at Sycamore Rouge. I thought I was going to see a traditional play, but little did I know I would stand witness to some flagrant plagiarism. I don't know who this Picasso fellow is, but it is outrageous that he would present this piece of "reality theatre" without giving credit where credit is due!

You see, it wasn't really a scripted play; instead, as I sat in the bar, Picasso arrived and talked to his friends and drew a few things . . and voila! theatre!!! Truth be told, I was quite entertained. This Picasso had a lot of interesting things to say and some truly charming friends. What's more, I was also sitting at the bar, so the "audience" was also free to drink in my arresting performance as "Woman on a Short Stool."

But I digress. My point was that I have been performing this type of theatre for years. Everyone is familiar with my biggest hits, including "Monique Last Thursday" and "Monique Makes Breakfast, June 15, 1992 at 10:00 am." My most ardent fans are quite fond of my more obscure work like "Monique Watches A Video of Monique" and "Monique Sees a Play."

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I know. But as Mother always says, a credit is a credit and you will be hearing from my lawyer.

As a side note, it is certainly not too much to ask for Picasso to wash up prior to a performance. Good grooming shows respect for the audience. Blue paint covering most of your arms is not a good look unless you are part of the Blue Man Group. Speaking of which, the Blue Men could use a new make-up artist as blue does nothing but enhance undereye shadows.

I unfortunately can't tell you what happened at the end of the play. The alcohol at the bar was NOT prop alcohol.

Age Akimbo

I recently caught a production of Kimberly Akimbo, currently playing at Theatre Gym. This may have been one of the most evocative and groundbreaking performances I have ever seen. At last!!! Age-blind casting of ingenues! What has taken stodgy regional theater so long!?

In this play, the title character is a sixteen-year-old girl, and in this production, the part was played by someone who was, to put it delicately, a bit over sixteen-years-old. Truth be told, I'm not sure I could have passed for sixteen myself, although in a particularly favorite gymboree outfit, I come pretty close.

But really, the casting of Kimberly could have been awkward. Instead, it really elevated the play. I believe they changed lines in the script to cover up the fact that the actress looked too old for the part. This added a VERY interesting subplot about some aging disease. Extremely creative! It reminded me of the time I refused to shave my head for a role in Terezin: Children of the Holocaust. We simply rewrote the script to permit a lovely bouffant. I'm fairly certain the production did not suffer.

In any event, I enjoyed the show a great deal, even though Kimberly looked older than her parents. I can suspend disbelief with the best of them, and I encourage this type of thinking!!

I'm excited for what the future brings for Theatre Gym!! I do hope they consider The Music Man. I believe I can bring new meaning to the part of Winthrop. Or maybe simply a lovely, understated Christmas Pagaent. I have always wanted to play the Baby Jesus. What ho!

Hollywood, is that you?

What ho!!!

I am exhausted from the successful production of my life's story. Thankfully, grandmother gave both mother and I a gift certificate to our favorite spa for tomorrow (no puppets allowed). I will be refreshed and smooth when Hollywood calls about casting the movie adaptation of All's Well that Ends with Me.

Don't Miss It

According to John Bryan, President of Richmond's CultureWorks, my life story is "one of those raised-eyebrows, are-you-kidding-me, you-had-to-be-there productions . . . [it] doesn't disappoint."

http://www.richmondcultureworks.org/Blog/tabid/85/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/188/What-Good-is-Sitting-Alone-in-Your-Room.aspx

Only three more performances: August 4, 5, and 6 at 8:00pm at Richmond Triangle Players. www.rtriangle.org

My To Do List

1. Install cameras in my house so I can have my own reality show without doing any extra work.

2. Answer fan mail. Dominion Power and Citibank have been ignored long enough.

3. Edit Tony acceptance speech. Three hours is probably a tad long.

4. Select costume for trip to the grocery store. (In need of lettuce, so considering a matchy-matchy green).

5. Finish building box seats & balcony at Richmond Triangle Players for my life story's opening night. Orchestra seats are for the unwashed.

6. Remind everyone that my life story runs for ONLY TWO WEEKENDS at RTP. If you are interested in attending, please make your plans now. Blink and you will miss it!!! www.rtriangle.org.

What ho!

Monique (reviewers please note, there is only on "q" in Monique)

The Puppet took me to a street festival last night promising I'd see some cutting edge theatre. Imagine my utter dismay when it was a traveling puppet show. Has the world gone puppet mad? And the poor Puppet appears to have a crush on the actress playing the kitty in the show. Although I admire her flawless skin, I think she used too much Botox. I never saw her lips move once.

What's the Point of Make-up?

I traveled in a torrential rainstorm to Swift Creek Mill Playhouse this past weekend to catch the thriller, Wait Until Dark. Rain is not my hair's best friend, so I had to spend to some extra pre-show time in my car fixing my hair and make-up. Well. I needn't have bothered! During the most exciting part of the play, we were plunged into total darkness, and nobody could even see how stunning I looked!! To make matters worse, the lead actress in the play was BLIND -- so even when the lights were on, she couldn't see me or my carefully selected theatre attire.

You might think that viewing my performance as audience member number 127 would not be crucial to your enjoyment of the show, but you would be incorrect. In fact, it seemed to distract the entire cast as they were constantly searching for the "heroine" throughout the show. I imagine they should have given me a better seat so as to make it easier for the characters to move on to another topic of discussion. I attempted to help by shouting "I'm over here!!!!" but I guess they couldn't hear me over the rain, because the dialogue regarding the "heroine" never ceased.

The actors brilliantly covered their inability to locate me in the audience by pretending that the "heroine" was a doll. At that point, I was rather relieved that I was hidden in a darkened auditorium, because the actors proceeded to knife the poor heroine and remove her insides. While I have always wondered whether my insides are as lovely as my outside, I felt the time was not right to find out.

If you are looking for believable portrayals of characters searching for a heroic woman in the sixth row, this is the play for you, but if you are looking to see and be seen (and honestly, who isn't?) , I might suggest you "look" elsewhere!