My Kingdom for Some Air Conditioning

This weekend, I attended the closing performance of King Lear produced by the Richmond Shakespeare Festival. The program contained several pages of plot points to help if you do not speak Shakespeare. Had they asked, I could have assisted in condensing the summary as follows:

King Lear ruled over a kingdom with no air conditioning. He simply did not believe in it. This was probably due to a strong lobbying effort from the dry cleaning consortium, as the entire kingdom was extremely sweaty. Much heartache and tragedy resulted from the overheating of the country, including the descent into madness of the King himself. Even clothed in a loose fitting cotton nightgown and leaves, he was unable to retain his sanity in the heat. Most supporting characters also ended up dead from suicide, murder, or heat stroke.

I must say that the acting in this play was truly impressive. I actually believed that people were hot. In fact, in watching the show, I actually felt hot myself. I could have sworn that I myself was part of a sweltering kingdom. Brilliant!! Bravo!

For those of you lucky enough to catch the show, you might have seen my charming portrayal of "audience member in the fifth row." I interacted pre-show with The Fool. We chatted believably about the weather and my seat. I would suggest that you attempt to catch a future performance but unfortunately The Fool is dead and the show has closed. It is unfortunate that some of you missed my appearance, but trust me when I say that it was a truly draining role that I'm not sure I could easily repeat. On the upside, I lost several pounds of water weight at each performance. What ho, a silver lining!!

Help Amy & Donna help my show be produced in Richmond, VA!

Since Amy & Donna want to produce my show in Richmond, Virginia, I thought I'd let them take over the blog for today.
What ho!
Monique

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What ho, friends & family!

As you know, the World Premiere of All's Well That Ends With Monique by Amy Berlin & Ann Bucci opens on July 28th, co-produced by Richmond Triangle Players. This production is being directed by Donna E. Coghill, and stars national spokesperson, Kristen Swanson, as Monique. It also stars BJ Kocen, Kimberly Jones Clark and Stephen Ryan. Set by Todd Schall-Vess, Lights by K. Jenna Ferree, Costumes by Don Warren and Sound & Original Music by BJ Kocen.

This script is so exciting that it already has a publishing deal! Here’s a brief description:
Her theater internship is lost, her trust fund is tied up, and Mother has signed an anti-enabling contract: Monique's dream of finding her breakthrough ingénue role on the Great White Way seems doomed. What’s a girl to do at 45? Pshaw!! In Monique’s world, it’s always opening night! Never let reality get you down!

Many of you have expressed interest in this exciting production. Unfortunately, we did not get the two big grants we'd been hoping for, and as soon as some of you heard that you asked how you might help. Well, we thought about it and there are a few ways you could join in the Monique fun!

1. You can make a tax-deductible donation to Richmond Triangle Players in support of our production. They’ve made it really easy! Click here to donate on-line (click “CONTRIBUTE TO RTP”), or you can send a check to Richmond Triangle Players, PO Box 6905, Richmond, VA 23230. PLEASE BE SURE TO NOTE THAT THE DONATION IS TO SUPPORT “MONIQUE PRODUCTIONS COSTS.”

Any amount would be much appreciated. Anyone who donates over $50 will receive a thank you in the published script and an autographed copy of the script!

2. You or your business can buy an ad in our playbill. We’ve made it REALLY affordable! $100 – full-page ad, $75 – half-page ad, or $50 – quarter-page ad. Just send your check to Richmond Triangle Players, PO Box 6905, Richmond, VA 23230 (and note that the check is for “MONIQUE PROGRAM AD”), and e-mail your camera-ready artwork to hubbird1@aol.com. Deadline: July 10, 2011.

3. Bring the fun of Monique home with you! Buy yourself or a friend a special Monique gift in our Cafe Press store. We've set the store up mostly for fun, but a tiny bit of the cost will go to help cover some Monique production costs. Check it out at www.cafepress.com/allswellthatendswithmonique

4. Tell your friends about Monique! Help us with publicity by talking us up - joining us on Facebook (search for “All’s Well That Ends With Monique”), Twitter (BroadwayMonique) and the awesome Monique blog (allswellthatendswithmonique.blogspot.com). If you have a storefront, public bulletin board or street facing window, let us know and we can make sure you get a poster. Do you have an email list? We can send you our Monique production info to share with your colleagues. Publicity help will help us out immensely!

AND, most importantly, we would love you to come and see Monique! Tickets will soon be available via Richmond Triangle Players website: .

Thanks so much for always supporting us in our theatrical endeavors. All's Well That Ends With Monique is a dear production to us and we look forward to seeing each of you during our brief run!

And always remember: When life gives you lemons, be sure to count your chickens!!

What ho!
Amy Berlin & Donna E. Coghill
Producers

My Barksdale Debut

I found myself back in Richmond, Virginia last week. For reasons unknown, I agreed to accompany the Puppet to visit one of his argyle cousins. The less said, the better.

While there, I took in the production of Circle Mirror Transformation currently running at Barksdale Theatre. Well. I must say I was surprised and thrilled to find myself the central character. Kudos to the director for the brilliant stunt casting!

If you attend, I highly suggest a seat down center with a good view of the mirror. I am visible through the entire production. Truly, I'm not sure what my costars were doing or saying, as my visage commanded the stage. How the designers knew exactly what I would be wearing on the evening I attended, I do not know. Theatre magic at its finest!!

One caveat though. My mother attended the next week, and she was stunned to discover that I was not actually performing that evening. In a truly confounding bit of casting, my mother said she actually saw HERSELF in the mirror onstage. I pity the audience who missed my breathtaking performance.

My mother suggested that perhaps my reflection was only there the night I attended. It is certainly a conundrum! If I am not there to see myself in the mirror, does the tree really fall? Well, I haven't the necessary time to truly contemplate this as I am late for my feng ski lesson, but it seems the safest bet to suggest that, if you want to be sure not to miss my showstopping performance as "Woman in the Mirror," you buy a second ticket and invite me to attend with you! You will not be sorry -- I do a particularly riveting cross and uncross of my legs about forty-five minutes into the show. Be sure to keep your eyes peeled!!

Midwest blues

I should know better than to listen to the Puppet for travel advice. He told me that we should go to Chicago to escape the blizzard heading our way on Broadway. I normally wouldn't go to any second rate city, but I thought since it was in the mid WEST it would be warmer. I needed to revive my skin, which had been taking on an appalling reddish hue. I blame a groupon discount facial I had at a Chinatown spa--unfortunately, I purchased 200 of them. So we took our meager Christmas money (Grandmother keeps talking about the recession, but I don't see her selling any of her K-47's to pay her mortage) and here we are.

In addition to the frigid temperatures and snow, the wind has made a disaster of my hair. The Puppet refused to help me hold my hairstyle in place, insisting that he stay in my pocket to keep warm. We ducked into a rather large gothic looking building where I thought we could run laps indoors. Sadly, the Field Museum is an actual museum featuring old bones and dirty, dusty old things with lots of children running around. Appalling.

I did, however, make a wonderful discovery. We were herded into the Sue the T Rex robotics exhibit. I looked positively nymphlike and exquisite next to her! The Puppet and I spent all day there and I felt so empowered that I canceled my next therapy session.

What ho!

Dixie Swimming

I headed to Richmond recently for a production of the modern classic, The Dixie Swim Club, at a off-off-Broadway theatre dedicated to the musical CATS. Naturally, at such a feline-inspired theatre, I expected a rousing rendition of something jellical, litter boxes in the bathroom, or at least an all-cat version of Sylvia. Strangely, I experienced none of the above.

The play was a modern commentary on costumes and wigs throughout the ages. Personally, I would never allow myself to be cast in a role where I would play someone OLDER than myself. Truth be known, I could never really be cast as someone who is actually my age. While I don't flatter myself to think I could carry off anything less than 13 convincingly, I also understand that nobody would believe me as a woman in her, well, over 35.

The MOST impressive part of the evening was that these aquatic women would regularly leave the stage to go for a swim in their wigs. I don't know what was more fascinating: the fact that the set included an off-stage ocean or the ability of the women to blow out and set their tresses during a scene change.

And kudos to the actress who actually had to die each night. This part seems especially hard to cast, unless you are paid in advance. I myself tend to only accept parts where I am alive for the curtain call.

Headshots

I'm Monique, and it's been 72 hours since my last headshot. I know, I know!!! They barely look like me anymore! As such, I am packing my gowns, jewelry, and turbans and heading for Richmond, Virginia for new headshots this weekend.

Why Richmond, you may ask? Well, the Puppet wants to see one of his idols (pictured above), appearing this weekend at Richmond Triangle Players. I thought I'd tag along and utilize some confederate stonework as a background for my new photographs. I thought for a while about using a handmade mosaic of my face as my headshot, and I may still go that route in the future, but until then, it occurred to me that my career would be boosted most profitably by subliminal messages regarding the South.

How, you may ask? Well, allow me . . . the South condoned slavery, handcuffs are metal, metallics bring out my complexion, thank you for the compliment. And please don't pass this around on actor message boards or what-not. Before you know it, EVERYONE will have their headshots done astride the Lee Monument, and I cannot bear imitation. I mean, for heaven's sake, Arthur Ashe never leaves Monument Avenue -- you would think that certainly he's had a good shot taken by now!!

I will post my new masterpieces upon my return.

New Friends and Diet Tips

I have some most excellent news. My newly-codified BFF, the Puppet, has managed to become rather close with actual Off-Broadway stars. Apparently, they have "lots in common." Whatever. Their horrifying spray tans aside, these new friends seem like they could really open doors!!

I will be honest though. Once you get them away from their odious hangers-on, they really have very little to say. Happily, I've never found that a problem in my personal relationships, as I have enough conversational skills for a small village! What ho! I will write more when I return from the cast party! I must go sew strings onto my hands and feet so that I will fit in -- a little inside tip on the next sure fashion trend!

Oh, and do you know the best part of this puppet trend? These performers have NO ESOPHAGUS!!! It's true!!! The food they chomp on just falls out of their mouth; there is no way for it to be digested!! It sounds like a pricey procedure and is rather disgusting to watch, but I will be looking into it immediately.

How some puppets are fat is beyond me.