I have some most excellent news. My newly-codified BFF, the Puppet, has managed to become rather close with actual Off-Broadway stars. Apparently, they have "lots in common." Whatever. Their horrifying spray tans aside, these new friends seem like they could really open doors!!
I will be honest though. Once you get them away from their odious hangers-on, they really have very little to say. Happily, I've never found that a problem in my personal relationships, as I have enough conversational skills for a small village! What ho! I will write more when I return from the cast party! I must go sew strings onto my hands and feet so that I will fit in -- a little inside tip on the next sure fashion trend!
Oh, and do you know the best part of this puppet trend? These performers have NO ESOPHAGUS!!! It's true!!! The food they chomp on just falls out of their mouth; there is no way for it to be digested!! It sounds like a pricey procedure and is rather disgusting to watch, but I will be looking into it immediately.
How some puppets are fat is beyond me.
As some of my fans have rushed to inundate me with e-mails about my so-called about face on the subject of puppets, I feel the need to address the situation. They are still disturbing, but if they can advance my career . . . well, who am I to judge? Of course, should this attempt at networking fall flat, I will reassess my position.
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