Fitting In

Well, what ho! everyone. I am still in Richmond, Virginia awaiting Donny's arrival for our trip to sunny Florida. His first mistake was letting Dr. Walker write a check for his salary. Honestly, one must demand cash, especially from fledgling psychiatrists.

While here I have decided to eschew orange juice as I did notice my complexion had taken on a rather tangy tone. I have also made the most marvelous discovery here in the capital of the Confederacy: corsets! My figure has never looked better and I have not been to hot yoga in several days. I look absolutely stunning. Of course, breathing in and out is a little encumbered, but one must suffer to be beautiful. Although suffering by itself does not guarantee beauty, just ask Dr. Walker.

PULP

On my way to sunny Florida, I stopped off in Richmond, Virginia, to see a production entitled PULP at the Richmond Triangle Players. It seemed apropos since I am traveling to the land of Orange Juice. Unfortunately, I could not spot any citrus of any kind on stage. There was a well stocked bar, to be sure, but not one screwdriver was served.

I was most impressed by the actresses playing lesbians and men and lesbian men. As I play a gender-bending character myself 40 hours a week and overtime during holidays, I can attest to the level of difficulty. I also got the brilliant idea that Manny could wear designer high heels. Why not? It will still be drag, but more in the 40's style apparently.

I politely asked for my money back at the close of the show, explaining that the reason I attended the performance in the first place was so that I could be well versed in all aspects of Florida culture. I was denied a refund, encouraged to participate in a raffle for gift baskets that touted Virginia peanuts and contained no sunshine fruit whatsoever, and eventually left in a huff. Pulp, indeed.

Star Island

What ho, everybody! The puppet has just told me that King James is not coming to New York. Instead a new production entitled "The Three Kings" will be premiering in Miami in the fall. What ho! I have the puppet working on getting me an audition for the lead female role.

Donny has told me that he is due a vacation from Dr. Walker and he was planning on going to South Beach to check out the scenery. He said we can stay at -- STAR ISLAND. I am humbled that an entire island has been set aside for actual stars of my caliber. Vacations can be so trifling when one is forced to mingle with the commoners.

Everything is falling into place. I have begun my seaweed treatments in preparation for the hot and humid island air.

Now, I must come up with a way to earn bus fare.

Heat wave

It is so hot outside today. The theatre is dark. The manager called and the air conditioning is not on. I know the people will be very upset to miss my performance. I shall use my time studying my lines for King James. What ho everybody.

King James

I am most excited. First, I have learned how to text message. Indeed, it is not all that hard, although truthfully sometimes my fingers slip a little due to the actual grease I am using as Manny. But one must suffer for his art. What ho! another text message to me. Oh, it's from Donny. Poor poor Donny. Oh, Dear. "I hate Aunt Frieda." What does he mean? I must reply. "Try Turmeric as a natural anti inflammatory". Good advice, if not on point.

Speaking of my point or the reason for my excitement. KING JAMES may be coming to new york. It is all the buzz at the theatre. Several of the waitresses have told me that this LeBron James, whoever he is, may become a Knick, whatever that is. The trifles of "the deal" are not as important as the question of whether there is a part for me in King James. I shall call mother immediately.

Tony-Schmony

What ho! I must blog my reactions to this year’s Tony Awards. And I don’t have to tell you that I had the most marvelous seat for this prestigious awards show. I had an unobstructed view to the new plasma screen television display at Best Buy. I once had to fend off the remote from a salesman but art won out! I am dismayed at how many Hollywood types are winning Tony awards. It takes more than a pretty face to act to the back row. I also was shocked that there IS NO category for dinner theatre. I am outraged and shall begin my letter writing campaign to change this. Letter writing worked in the Shawshank Redemption and I shall have mine.

What ho, Universe!!

Yes, it is I, Monique. I, who was certain that computers were so 1998. Indeed, while it does not happen often, I can certainly admit when I am wrong. For instance, coffee enemas, despite my assertions to the contrary, are not for everyone.

Now, as I leap into the web of the world, I had to think carefully about my methods. I could Tweet of course, but perhaps that would make me TOO accessible. Plus, the name is juvenile and makes me think of a round yellow bird who is in great need of aerobic exercise.

I could join Facebook, and in fact I did at one time. But it was too disheartening when I had 5,653 “not attending” responses to my cabaret performance at the 59th Street Subway Platform. I know my Grandmother’s comments regarding the fact that she was going to use the performance as an opportunity to solicit signatures for her “Arm the Children” campaign was off-putting, but she said if I defriended her, my trust fund was history.

And a webpage costs money. Honestly, people should pay me to post pictures and such. If you have to pay to have people view, well honestly that’s just sad. I mean, you don’t see Meryl Streep with a webpage, do you? Well, at least, I couldn’t find it, and I can Gaggle with the best of them.

So, until my reality show deal is finalized, this free blogging thing seems the way to go. It is I, Monique. Raw. Uncensored. I won’t even run spellcheck! It’s the way I roll, or rather the way I walk gracefully in very high heels.